Premier, Dr Phophi Ramathuba.
Welcome to another week of high-class entertainment in our beautiful district. You do not need to buy a ticket for a comedy show when you live in Limpopo. Our leaders provide the jokes for free.
This week, our very own Premier, Dr Phophi Ramathuba, visited us here in Mopani. She came to Ba-Phalaborwa to hand over a newly built house. It was supposed to be a good day for the community. But as usual, the speech stole the show.
Instead of talking about how the government is going to build more houses, or fix the bad roads, or bring water, our Premier decided to give a lecture on romance. Yes, you heard that right. She warned women in leadership to stay away from “Ben 10s.”
For those who do not know, a Ben 10 is a younger man who dates an older woman just to eat her money. According to our Premier, these young men are the biggest danger to our government. She said Ben 10s are the reason why women in politics fail and get removed from office. She even said men will flatter you and tell you that you are beautiful just because they want to steal the Health Department budget.
We must thank the Premier for this deep wisdom. All this time, we thought our municipalities were failing because of corruption, missing money, and bad planning. We were wrong. It is not the tenders or the ghost workers. It is the Ben 10s.
Next time your water goes off or your lights trip, do not blame the mayor. Just look around for a handsome young man in a tight t-shirt. He is probably the one holding the budget.
Buzzword of the Week: “Strategic Risk”
Official Translation: A major problem that can destroy a department or stop service delivery.
Actual Meaning: A twenty-five-year-old guy with nice teeth and a leather jacket who wants to take you out for lunch on taxpayers’ money.
The Weekly Stinger
Our prize goes straight to the Premier herself. It takes a special kind of talent to stand in front of a family receiving a house and start talking about your own ears, your nose, and your love life. We are glad you got it off your chest, Premier. Now, please put down the relationship advice and go check why the water pipes in Phalaborwa are still dry.
Keep your eyes open, Mopani. Watch out for the potholes, and watch out for the young boys.